When Dating Becomes Dangerous by Barrie Levy

Author:Barrie Levy
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-61649-502-2
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Published: 2013-04-05T04:00:00+00:00

Dealing with Angry Feelings

We can feel angry without going out of control, being reckless, or becoming verbally or physically violent. Strong emotions need to be taken care of and released somehow; suppressing anger can be unhealthy. It is important to find healthy ways to express and handle your anger while you feel it. You have choices about how you deal with your anger, as well as what to do to contain it rather than let it escalate. For example, if you are angry and more likely to unleash your anger in destructive ways after you have been drinking, then it is important to make the choice not to drink. Mixing anger with alcohol or drugs is dangerous.

Without outlets for your anger, it builds up. A buildup of anger activates your body’s nervous system, flooding you with stress-response hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol. Notice how your body reacts to anger, and then choose how to respond in a healthy way. The simplest technique is to take deep breaths and to pay attention to your breathing rhythms. Deep breathing helps to calm the nervous system. Another technique is to use physical outlets for the tension associated with anger: for example, physical work (such as yard work), running, batting baseballs or hitting tennis balls, or practicing martial arts. Some people find they can release their anger by going somewhere by themselves (perhaps to the bathroom) and yelling. These are all safe outlets for expressing anger.

Distractions can help too. Give yourself a break from the situation and focus on something else. Do something to take care of yourself and calm down. When you feel your anger building, you can do something to cool off, such as taking time out from an intense conversation and doing something else. Some parents find that taking a walk, writing, keeping a journal, listening to music, meditating, or praying helps to calm them. Other parents choose activities that distract them, such as hobbies, cleaning, cooking, or going to the movies. Try to find your own way to relax or calm yourself.

You can also use your support systems to help you deal with your anger. Talking and venting with a friend or a family member can help. Family talks about the situation and discussing feelings about it can be constructive. You can use an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) approach by seeking support when you feel you might lose control. For example, you can arrange to call a friend (the equivalent of an AA sponsor) anytime you are afraid you are going to lose your temper. The friend can help you talk through what you are feeling and help you find alternative ways to handle your anger without hurting yourself or someone else.

Another way for family members to help each other deal with anger is to make a plan to ensure that everyone can vent their anger safely. Anytime a family member feels overwhelmingly angry, or anytime an incident occurs that triggers anger in all of you, you can do the

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